Songs: A Valentine for My Daughter

The following is a post witten for my little girl, who isn't yet old enough to read it. Hopefully it will still exist somewhere when she is.

We all worry about our legacy…how our children will survive, what we can leave them, what advice we can give that will live with them long after we are gone. For me, this is more of a concern than a younger parent. I am nearly 50; you are five as I write this. Chances are I will not see you grow far out of your 30s. And even before that day, there will be times when you are too far away for me to help or give advice … and there will be times when you don’t want to hear my advice.

I love music. So do you. So I thought, what better way to leave you some advice and words of wisdom than through some awesome songs? This is a list for you…full of songs that reflect my love, my hopes, my dreams, and my advice for you. Honey, I hope these songs will be there for you when I cannot.

Surrender Dorothy by Lynn Miles: Remember how much you loved The Wizard of Oz as a Little Girl? How you always had to be Dorothy for Halloween? How you used to pretend to be in a tornado, and skipping down the yellow brick road? This song is on my list because there will be times when you will feel like that road has lead you nowhere, you have no friends and no future. You will feel like everyone is disappointed in you and abandoned you. You will feel let down. This song is to tell you that coming home for help, love, and encouragement is NOT surrendering. Remember that in going home Dorothy learned a great lesson and also had a great adventure along the way. I will never give up on you. I will never abandon you. I will never be disappointed. I will be your Wizard no matter what happens. Plus, we both love music and I think you, like me, will love the way Lynn Miles works “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” into her song.

Lullabye (Good Night My Angel) by Billy Joel: Once in the coffee shop we used to go to—you were five at the time—I picked you up and you said, “Daddy don’t ever let me go.” This song is my way of saying I won’t. You will always be in my heart and I will always be in yours. And the same thing will be the case with you and your kids, if you decide to have kids. I remember with so much happiness reading to you and singing to and with you. Pass that on. “Lullabies go on and on. They never die. That’s how you and I will be.”

Who Says by Selena Gomez and The Scene: You are perfect. Anyone who says you aren’t will have to answer to me. And if I’m not there, they should answer to you. “Who says you’re not perfect? … Who says you’re not Presidential? … Who says you’re not beautiful?” Nobody. And if they do say it, they really are a nobody. Kick them to the curb. Don’t think about it. Don’t give them a second chance.

F**kin’ Perfect by Pink: Relating to the above song. Don’t be mean to yourself. We are all wrong sometimes. We all make mistakes. You have and will. But don’t sweat it. You. Are. Perfect. To. Me. ‘Nuff said. By the way, I know we’ve talked about the word in this song, and I know we don’t say it. But these are extenuating circumstances.

Beautiful by Christina Aguilera: Yes. You are. I wouldn’t lie to you. Believe it and words won’t bring you down.

The Young Woman Who Swallowed a Lie by Pete Seeger: There are going to be a lot of people—men, mostly—who will say anything to get you to do what they want. To get you to fit into their idea of what a woman should be. Don’t swallow it. Their ideas on what a woman is are BS. Your ideas on that are the ones that count.

All Men Are Liars by Nick Lowe: This is the daddy in me talking, and probably pretty cynical of me to tell you, but, yes, all men are liars. Except me. That’s not to say all men can’t be truthful. But humor your old man here and just take what a guy tells you with a grain of salt. OK, so all men aren’t liars, but remember that your worth isn’t based on what a man tells you, anyway.

Ukelele Anthem by Amanda Palmer: Seriously you should learn to play ukulele. Or a guitar. Or something. You’ve always loved music—I can tell it speaks to you in much the way it speaks to me. Making music is a great outlet. Make music, not war. But even further below the surface, listen to Amanda Palmer: Be yourself no matter how different (or similar) it is to everyone else.

You Get What You Give by New Radicals: You may believe in Karma, or God, or nothing at all. But whatever you believe, know this: you life is greatly affected by how you treat the world, and the people in it. It is also affected greatly by the effort you put into it. Be positive. Treat people like you want to be treated. Be strong. You’ve got the music in you. The music of the universe. Love. It’s there. Whatever happens it will be OK. Give love. You’ll get love back. That is the reason to live.

One Woman and a Shovel by Carrie Newcomer: Carrie Newcomer is awesome, so listen to all of her music. But listen to this song because it has this powerful message: You can make a difference. You. All it takes is for you to pick yourself up, pick up your tools, and get to work. Writing. Marching. Praying. Hammering. Planning. Whatever. “Never doubt or question the power of love, or one woman with a shovel.”

32 Flavors by Ani Difranco: Be yourself. Whatever you are, whatever you look like, there are gonna be haters. You are not simple. You are complicated. That is good. Be complicated. Be 32 flavors and then some. That’s you. Haters gonna hate. They can never be satisfied. That’s their problem.

Who I Am by Jessica Andrews: Whatever happens, remember who you are. You are my daughter. You are your mommy’s daughter. You are a loved granddaughter. And so much more. You are Heidi. Always remember who you are. And nobody else gets to choose that for you. But I think it’s a race to see who is your biggest fan. I’ll begrudgingly give that one to your mom, just because.

If I Had a Boat by Lyle Lovett: This is, to me, another song about being yourself, and true to yourself. Don’t be Tonto. Don’t do someone else’s dirty work for free. Get your own boat and pony and get out there. Don’t be someone’s scapegoat. Lead the way.

It Hasn’t Happened Yet by Rosanne Cash: You are going to be hurt by someone. I can’t help that. But it will happen. They will hurt you and tell you they are better than you and that you will regret their not being around. When that happens, listen to this song. Show them your spunk and your sass. Tell them to get lost. And by the way, listen to every song Rosanne Cash ever recorded.

Without Love by Johnny Cash: After all the choices so far, this one might surprise you. A song about love? Really? Yes. Because love is, in the end, all everything boils down to. It’s what we as humans have to offer. It’s a beautiful thing to give. And to receive. It’s awesome. I highly recommend it. “Without love I am not whole.” You and your mommy taught me that.

That’s it for now. I’ll have more later.

I Love you, sweetheart.

Daddy

A Gluten-free Pasta Casserole, or England Can Change

Many England cricket supporters are scratching their heads at the five-nil whitewashing the Mother Country just suffered down under. Unfortunately, the team management seems to be scratching along with everyone else.

But here's the thing. There's no need for head-scratching. The issue has been there since before the England home Ashes victory last summer. Their players are aging, have been in poor form,a nd are just plain old dog-tired from a lot of cricket.

Meanwhile, Andy Flower seems to think the answer is to do things the same way...run things his way, since that has been successful in the past. I would theorize, however, that he is incorrect. I believe much of England's past success is more a case of a combination of two things: Players in their top form, an other teams being on the downward slide. It wasn't necessarily down to Flower's system; in fact, in my mind, England would have been more successful for a longer period if they'd done things a little differently.

That's just my opinion.

The problem is, systemic things probably won't change, because of that past success. If it worked once, it will again, right?

For reasons I stated above, not necessarily.

I know changing how we do things can be scary. But it can work.

A little over a year ago, my beautiful wife staggered throughout the door, nearly passed out. She had been having some health issues, and we couldn't figure out what was wrong. Turns out this episode coincided with a visit to an italian restaurant, and lots of pasta. After some research, we discovered that my wife is a celiac. That means her body cannot process gluten. So it was either go off of gluten or get horrendously sick and cause damage to her body every time she ate.

Talk about changing the way things work. We had to abandon almost all of our previous eating habits. We could eat out at very few restaurants; we could no longer eat breads, pastas, and many other foods which use gluten as a thickening agent. No pizza. No breadsticks. No rolls. Only certain candy.

My wife had been successful for years eating a diet with plenty of gluten in it. But underneath the surface, it was eating away at her insides, damaging her system. Eventually, it caught up with her. But, unlike cricket, she had no choice: there was no going back.

And you know what? We've gotten along fine. We've eaten as good as--and in some cases better than--we did before. We found new ways of preparing our favorite dishes. We experimented and found new things to eat. We have been so successful that sometimes we have to be careful not to gain weight from all the good food we can eat.

Here's an example. This is a totally gluten-free pasta casserole which I used to make with plain old wheat macaroni.

-16 ounce package of Sam Mills (or other) corn pasta (elbow macaroni or fusilli)
-1 pound turkey
-1 jar gluten-free alfredo sauce (or make your own)
-1 packet taco seasoning (make sure it doesn't contain wheat)
-Pepper, sage, thyme
2 or 3 roma tomatoes
-1 onion
-Your favorite shredded cheese
-Barbecue potato chips (check for gluten free)

Brown turkey, spicing it with sage, thyme, and pepper to taste. Mix in the taco seasoning packet according to the directions.

Heat the alfredo sauce, adding the tomatoes and onion (all chopped). When the turkey is done, mix in with the sauce.

Prepare the pasta according to the directions on the package.  Once it is done, mix in with the sauce/turkey.

Crush the potato chips to use as a base and topping for the casserole. In a casserole dish, spread the crèches chips on the bottom to whatever thickness you think you'd like. Pour in the sauce/turkey mixture. Sprinkle grated parmesan on top, followed by a thin layer of shredded cheese. Next, spread a layer of chips over the top, then another thin layer of shredded cheese.

Bake in a 400 degree over for about 25 minutes. About halfway through, sprinkle another layer of shredded cheese on top.

There you have it, a completely gluten-free pasta casserole. I still made a successful casserole, and I even built it much the same way I always built a casserole. But I looked in no-traditional places for ingredients, and changed some very basic things about my approach.

And it works.

So, Mr. Flower, my suggestion to you is: try some new ideas, and not just at the obvious level: try some new things on the basic, below-the-surface levels, where these kinds of problems always start.

You might be pleasantly surprised.

My Two Cents

Thursday night local time (here in Indiana), England’s international cricket team will attempt to do something only two other English teams have done: win a Test match in Perth.

For my American friends who are new to cricket, this is something akin to trying to take out the Boston Celtics in the old Boston Garden. It just doesn’t happen often-at least, for England.

The pressure is so great for England to win because they have already lost two Test matches in this five-match series. If they lose one more, they will lose the Ashes series to Australia after three straight series wins.

You may very well say, “OK, Terry, everyone hates to lose, but surely winning three in a row, and four out of the last five, is something to be proud of? After all, you keep telling us this is like the Superbowl or World Series for these two countries.”

There is some truth to that. England has done marvelously well over the past few years … better than they had for quite some time. But, you see, this is The Ashes. And making it even more of a bog deal right now is the manner in which England has lost the first two Tests of the series. You see, they haven’t even been close.  There are many reasons for this: England’s batsmen have been in poor form for some time, and their problems all came to a head during this series; Australia fast bowler Mitchell Johnson has had a superb series, bowling as well or better than he has in his career; and Australia’s ramped-up intensity as they are determined to get back to beating England again (previous to their recent woes, Australia regularly bossed the Brits and, in fact, the rest of the cricketing world, and they have been desperate to stop the losing slide).

There have been many critics putting in their two cents’ worth about how England can get back into this series and have a chance to tie or win it. There have been various suggestions to drop some batsmen because they are afraid of fast bowling or unable to play it … and yet many of these same batsmen have dealt with bowling at least as fast and as good as Johnson is displaying. English Batsman Ian Bell has had very little trouble with Johnson because he is A) in form and B) playing as he wants to, and not into how the Australians and their media are trying to goad England into playing. Several of England’s batsmen are having technical difficulties because they seem to be trying to play in a way that isn’t best suited for them. It’s almost as if the pressure of having won three Ashes in a row has them on edge, and more susceptible to crumbling.

So my own two cents worth? Here it is, in five simple bullet points.

1-England must play its boring, slow-grinding game. Don’t play shots or get aggressive. Stand there and duck and weave and defend and frustrate the Australian bowlers. So what if they don’t like it? Um….that’s kind of the point. They complain about it so much because it was working.

2-Bring in Tim Bresnan. Bresnan has been there, done that in Australia, and seems to have a talismanic impact on the England dressing room. He gets wickets when England needs them, and holds down the runs when they need that. He can also bat.

3-Bring in Boyd Rankin. He seems to have something that the Australians don’t like. He has done well against them in ODIs, and would do better than either Finn or Tremlett.

4-Think about dropping spinner Graeme Swann and keeping Ben Stokes. Just think about it. Not saying it’s a shoo-in. Stokes’ batting has been better than Swann’s and Swann has been played well by the Australians. Perth probably won’t do him any favors, although maybe the high heat will help. He is also a big help in the dressing room, and can field, so this one is a 50/50 for me. One thing I would advise against: don't prefer Monty Panesar as spinner here. Monty is actually my favorite cricketer for pure enjoyment, but the prgmatist in me sees he would not do any better than Swann should England pick a spinner, and his fielding would be a detriment (just as it was in Adelaide, where he drop a catch that could have really put Australia under pressure to make a lot fewer runs than they did).

5-Remember, England: Don’t listen to the hype. Mitchell Johnson’s success in Adelaide was mostly against the lower order, which was to be expected. Whoever the bowler is, just play your game.

So there you have it. My ideas. Laugh if you like.

Stress on the Trot, or, I talk about more stuff

Stress-related illness is not a lightning bolt. It is grinding drill. It doesn’t strike suddenly; it works away at you, like storm surf on a weak dam, until something gives way and the waves rush in.

                                                                                  

In the wake of Jonathon Trott’s announcement that he is, in fact, suffering from a stress-related illness, and is leaving the Ashes series in Australia and returning home to England, I have been thinking back to my own scrape with stress.

For me it came to a head at work, at what was actually the end of what had been a long and stressful transition which I had been overseeing. There should have been light at the end of the tunnel; instead there was encroaching darkness. I thought I was having a heart attack; I went to my desk and put my feet up for a while, though, and seemed to be OK. It wasn’t a heart attack. But what was it? A trip to the doctor confirmed a serotonin issue. Which was quickly remedied.

That was years ago. Way behind me. Exercise and diet have helped me move on from it. But for Jonathon Trott, I don’t believe it will be that simple. I imagine it will take him quite a long time and effort to overcome this. But I think he will. Just look at the tenacity with which he fought it off for as long as he did. The scraping of then trench; the fiddling with the gloves; the whole routine, all the while everyone (myself included, sometimes) sniped at him about it.

It would be easy for us all to sit here and say that he should never have come on this Ashes trip. Trott knew he had a problem; by making the trip and failing due in no small part to his illness, he has endangered the team’s Ashes retention hopes. But it really isn’t that simple. Having read George Dobell’s excellent piece on this issue, it seems Trott has suffered setbacks due to this illness in the past, and has always been able to overcome them. Why would he think this time would be different?

It is also easy to blame the Aussies and their irresponsible media for, at least in part, contributing to Trott’s latest episode with stress. They should apologize, the thought may go, because they were being jerks to someone who was suffering from problems about which they didn’t know. But what should Trott have done? Announce publicly before he was suffering from a stress-related illness, and telling the media (and others) to leave him alone? Can you imagine the firestorm of ridicule? The headlines? “England Wuss Begs Aussies to Leave Him Alone.” And while my personal opinion is that much of the media and opposition players are guilty of being jerks and bullies, no apology is needed because Trott’s problem is, in the end, not of their making. Yes, Australia, you’ve nothing to do with Trott’s failures. David Warner’s unprofessional comments were just that. Trott’s flare-up could just as easily have been domestic cricket or the upcoming World Cup that would have brought it all to a head. It just happened to happen right now. The problem isn’t Australia: It is the constant demands of a high pressure expectation to perform at the top level, while one’s every move is held under a microscope, combined with other personal, private matters that may also be affecting Trott.

It was the same with my own stress attack those years ago. While the project I was working on was stressful, it was really the result of the waves of stress crashing against me for quite some time. What I was working on was actually quite helpful to the company, a big money-saver, and was having no negative impact on me at all. But it was going on at the time when those waves finally broke through.

So, to those players and media who are being blamed or feeling responsible for Trott’s problems: Before you start either A) strutting around because you’ve broken one of the “Pommie cheats,” or B) feel horrible and apologize, remember that you were fairly irrelevant. That should come as a relief to Aussie media and some players. But it won’t. In fact, unless I am being grossly unfair, it will likely be taken by some of them as the biggest insult delivered in this entire episode.

I Saw This Coming

Or, I make a poorly reasoned argument on England’s collapse and show how little I really know

Hindsight, as they say, is 20-20. And in making the statement in the above headline, I know I am opening myself up to that declaration from readers. Because I never really told anybody that I could see this coming, so I have no proof that I suspected what was on the horizon.

The “this” I’m talking about is, of course, England’s collapse on day two of the first Ashes Test in Brisbane. And collapse is what it was. Not necessarily a self-induced collapse, but also not necessarily a collapse initiated by superior bowling.

Have I confused you yet?

As quick as Mitchell Johnson might have bowled, and as well as he bowled, he’s no quicker than Dale Steyn or some other international fast bowlers. And Nathan Lyons definitely isn’t any better than any other spinners out there. England have faced similar—perhaps even better—bowling than this.

However, England’s collapse was not necessarily self-induced by panic or fright or lack of preparation, either. Johnson and the other Aussies bowled very well. Give them credit.

So, if the collapse was not initiated by necessarily unstoppable bowling, or by slef-induced panic, what caused it? Aren’t those the only options?

In a word, no.

Let me take a quick break and explain something about myself. I’m not the biggest sports fan in the world. I follow cricket. I have in the past followed baseball. But when I choose to follow someone, it’s usually a bad experience for both sides. The baseball team I have been a fan of since college? The Chicago Cubs. The English domestic team I follow? Surrey. So you see I have a history of following teams with less than stellar results. Because of that, I have many times seen false high hopes dashed by reality. Because of that, I have come to recognize the symptoms of an oncoming disappointment.

My explanation about England’s collapse? Their batting isn’t as good as everyone has always said it is. Sure, they’ve hit high points. Cook, KP, and Bell in particular have scored some big runs. And they are talented. But over the past couple of years many of the England batsmen have been shown to get out to poor shots to less than devastating bowling. Many times. Just not often all at the same time. And that’s what happened here. Plain and simple. They’ve all been passing form issues back and forth, and they have all come together at the same time for a perfect storm of bad batting. Prior has been shocking of late; Root’s too-quick move to open may have done for him as well; Cook has been disappointing and KP … well, you just never know which KP you’re going to get. This time all the bad things that can happen simply did at once.

My contention (and it is only my theory—yours will be different and maybe better than mine), however, is that this is more than bad form. The problems with England’s batting have been masked by the occasional high points, and winning ways that have as much to do with the poor form of opponents as the talent of England. Don’t get me wrong, the England players are talented; I just think we are fooling ourselves if we think they are more talented than anyone else. I see a lot of good batsmen out there everywhere, and a lot of good bowlers shared around, as well.

For me, the question is: How do we move on? Can our talented batsmen rise above the woes, better themselves and become consistent performers? Perhaps day 3 or 4 will tell, or perhaps the next Test. But one thing is certain: England is, in my opinion, probably more talented in the batting department than Australia when everyone is firing on all cylinders. Let’s just hope they will all be firing on all cylinders at the same time.